Well..
First I do have to ask you a question. Your you being serious when you made this or were you just fooling around? If your were being serious then I will try to write a helpful review for you, but if you were just messing around then your animation is only a little better then a spam submission at the best.
Animation/Graphics - Well drawings weren't that bad, but they still weren't very good. The text was neat and was very easy to read, but I found that it may have dragged on too long. The text could of went just a little faster because I could read what was there several times over. There wasn't really any animations except for a few things moving now and then, so you made want to include actual animation in your flash next time.
Story - It almost looks like you have an alright story, but the flash doesn't show the story that you told at all. It's like you have this story written out, but you only show a couple of seconds of flash expecting that it covers it and it really doesn't. So it's not the story that needs work it's the flash matching with the story that you need to work on.
Audio - The music was good, but that was the only thing good about the audio of this submission. The voices were absolutely terrible. If these are your voices then you may want to think about having someone voice act for you and if these are a voice actors voice then you need to fire them and get a new one.
Overall, a very poor flash that needs a lot of work to be anywhere close to being good.
C52
~ Review Request Club ~